I could relate. The same type of guilt creeps up on me. I have a precious baby, the most loving husband, a family I love and friends who have stood by me through many life challenges and changes. Seems that I don't have a good reason to be unhappy.
There were hard things going on in her life, too, don't get me wrong. But she could still see the many blessings, and questioned her unhappiness.
When times are hard, it's easy to think that we just need to get through the current circumstances to find happiness.
If I could just lose weight...
If I were just married...
If I could just pay off ...
If I could just get a new job...
If I could just move into that neighborhood...
If I could just get her to understand where I'm coming from...
But what about when we maneuver through those difficult places and still find ourselves struggling? I've been in and out of a lot of challenges. I'm still unhappy sometimes. It seems that no matter where we find ourselves in life, the struggle always catches up to us somehow.
After our conversation, I remembered this C.S. Lewis quote.
If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.
I was made for another world. If I'm honest, if my life were any happier right now, I'd never think about eternity. If the bitter didn't come with the sweet, my sweet would satisfy and distract me away from the Eternal King. Here's an example of how that happens...Every holiday season, I always want to commit to focusing on the true reason for the season. I want to be grateful to the Giver of every good and perfect gift (James 1:17) during Thanksgiving. And I want to honor the Holy Baby who was laid in a manger (Luke 2: 16) during Christmas. But I usually get so distracted by the festivities, that these things occupy the minority of my time during this season. Don't get me wrong, I am usually very happy during the holidays. I love decorating and singing Christmas songs and baking and shopping. I am thrilled to get to travel home and spend time with friends and family. It's just that sometimes this happiness pushes my worship to the margin of my life.
But neediness and pain, unhappiness and frustration? They push me towards the throne room. They make worship the center of my life.
When I approach God throughout the day, I'm usually not "happy." I'm often sleepy, regularly frustrated, and every now and then anxious, angry or defeated. But these needs are actually just the right posture for entering the throne room. Because what I need to do in there is worship. And true worship comes when I acknowledge His perfection and my need. Right now in BSF, we're learning about what God looks like on His throne in heaven. It's intense, resplendent and a little terrifying. I won't physically enter that place during this life, but I'm invited to come in prayer at any time. I don't have to feel guilty about the emotions that drew me in. I just get to exchange them as I press into the truth that He is in control, and He has what I need.
At the end of our conversation, I prayed for the young lady and asked God to give her freedom from the pressure to feel happy all the time. As I prayed for her, I realized that's what I wanted for myself, too. But I don't want either of us to embrace unhappiness for its own sake. I want it to serve its purpose in helping us bow humbly before God, as we seek Him and ask Him for joy instead.
Sounds strange, but thinking through these things has me valuing the idea of an "unhappy holiday" just a tiny bit. I'd honestly rather have the true worship in the throne room over the exhaustion of chronic pursuit of happiness through constant entertainment. Sounds like food for thought for this week of rest. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment