There were some things that I wanted to say in the last post that I didn't get around to. So I'm having another go at this question- Can I be an anxious Christian? But, in this post I'm going to look at anxiety and Christian maturity.
When I think about a mature Christian, I think of someone who has been following Christ and obeying God's Word long enough for the fruits of the Spirit to be evident in his/her life.
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23
Mature Christians are people you can count on to respond to life's triggers according to God's Word and with consistent reflection of his character. This is not to say that they are perfect people. But, they are growing people. And they are people who know God and His Word well enough to look more like him than like the rest of the world.
So, can a mature Christian be an anxious Christian?
One of the marks of a mature Christian is that they ought to be able to recognize sin, and want to turn from it. Many people qualify anxiety as a sin, because it implies a lack of trust in God. This is one of the more confusing things about anxiety- people think it is synonymous with worry. If you're anxious, then you must be worrying about something, right? And worry is a sin. So, if you're anxious, you must be sinning.
Not necessarily.
As I said in the first post, the symptoms of General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) can be caused by a variety of triggers. Yes, chronic or acute worry might be one of them. In my case, this did play a role, and I'll touch on that later. But, if you want to know how to love someone with GAD well, don't assume that their symptoms are a consequence of the sin of worry. Their anxiety may or may not have anything to do with worry.
Remember that GAD is basically a prolonged and/or exaggerated expression of the fight or flight response. GAD can be the result of a variety of physiological and/or psychological triggers- exhaustion, stress, poor eating and drinking habits, or a traumatic event. Likely, it's a combination of these factors. Mature Christians are not exempt from any of these triggers, and therefore can easily find themselves trapped in a pattern of GAD.
The last thing that a mature Christian should do is get discouraged by assuming that their experience with anxiety is an expression of their lack of faith. We might think, If I really trusted, loved and belonged to God, I wouldn't feel this way. Or, If I just pray more or get down to the root sin, all of this will go away. I once thought this way but, as time goes on, I've learned to see this experience as a testing of my faith, rather than an expression of not enough faith.
Having said that, I must admit that one of the things that I have recognized and dealt with during this time of testing is unbelief. One of the Bible's key verses on anxiety is 1 Peter 5:7. My mom gave me a print of this verse for Christmas and I love it, but, one of the things I was challenged with early on was the verse that precedes it.
Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's might hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 1 Peter 5:6
In my case, one of the factors involved in triggering my GAD was chronic worry over a circumstance in my life that I've struggled with for years. God used what was happening to me physically to spur me to deeply, and I mean really, really deeply examine my heart toward God and every other person involved in this circumstance. Through counsel and confession, I learned that I did not really trust God when he says that he is bringing all things together for my good and his glory. (Romans 8:28) Not only that, but, in my pride, I have been thinking that I could, would and should fix this thing that he has allowed to remain broken. It was really important for me to "humble myself under his mighty hand" and truly, deeply accept his will in this matter.
God is good. Even when a situation doesn't feel good. God is love. Even when I might not particularly feel loved. God is wise. Even when I think my way is better, his is always best. God is just. Even when something feels unfair, only God can see and rightly judge circumstances and people. GOD CAN BE TRUSTED.
After humility, we get to the sweet stuff... Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7
It's not exactly easy to feel cared for when you are face-down every day begging for something to be taken away, and it isn't taken away. I have many friends who find themselves in this place, and on their behalf and mine- I must say, the struggle is so. very. real. This is the testing that produces endurance, character, and eventually deepest hope and joy. But it hurts while it is happening. It feels desperate and terrible. Far from feeling beloved, it feels like being forgotten. Far from feeling cared for, it feels like affliction.
But somehow, through the pain, real hope emerges. My anxiety is not gone, but I feel more together with God than I have in a long time. I don't know what's happening in my life, and my circumstances haven't really changed, but I know His kindness in a deeper way. I trust His goodness with a little more certainty. I am excited about His future and less dependent on the experience of here and now.
All of this depends on accepting the latter part of this verse as the core belief in my life. Because he cares for me. I've started to rebuild the way that I think of myself. At the foundation level is this belief- God cares for me. He takes delight in me. He really, really likes me. And enjoys me. At every stage, every step. Currently, I believe that God has told me that my willingness during this time of testing delights him. It isn't the end product- not the final fruit of a perfectly at peace mind and soul- that delights him (probably because I don't have that yet), but he delights in my willingness to continue on this journey, step by anxious step, looking for him, trying to find out more about him, testing, tasting and seeing him each day.
Does this make me a mature Christian? Well, yes. I believe it does. I believe that mature Christianity can only result from true testing. We can study God's Word (and we should), we can serve in our churches (and we should), we can build beautiful relationships with strong believers, but for our own maturity to really come through- we have to be tested. We have to be tried by fire. We have to let the dross be consumed, the gold refined. That's what anxiety can be for the mature Christian- the blazing furnace of refinement.
Let me be clear. I am not a mature Christian because I am anxious. Neither am I an immature Christian because I am anxious. Anxiety can come about because of many things, but when it does come, there is always the opportunity to respond with an attitude reflective of 1 Peter 5:6-7. Humility. Trust in God's mighty hand. Belief in his love. And a throwing off of any worry that might keep us trapped in GAD. We can step forward, hearts still beating, breaths still coming short, panic attacks still just around the corner, trusting that he will care for us. He loves us. He delights in us. And he is working all of this together for our good.
Friend, if you are reading this and suffering from anxiety, please know that I do not assume that you have a problem with pride or lack of trust. God allows this suffering for reasons that he alone knows. It does not mean that your problems have been the same as mine. It also doesn't mean that anxiety will go away as soon as sin is dealt with. This has not been the case for me. But, what has been the case, is that I'm learning to count the whole thing as joy- even though I would LOVE for my pounding chest to never ache inside me again. I know, that for fruit to come to maturity it takes time. And for trust to be real, it must be tested. So I humble myself, because, in due time, he will lift me up. May he do the same for you.
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