The kids and I usually stay for dinner at my mom's on Monday nights while Andy goes to Bible study in Raleigh. Monday before last was an especially fun evening because my brother was there. We love when "Uncle" is in town. Story loves it because (even though he says he has a lot of work to do), he will always play with her a little while. And I love it because, if his mood is even half-way decent, he will usually have some interesting things to say. My brother is a passionate and intelligent guy, and I love to hear him talk about things he cares deeply about. Usually that is politics. I don't always agree with what he says, but I learn new things when I listen to his perspective. Sometimes my brother will say something profound, and it will start to change the way that I see things. And last Monday, he said something that has stirred up new life in me as I've continued to study my identity in Christ.
We were talking about some hot-button issue right now- I think it was gun control. But the conversation grew larger than that issue and we began to talk about the way that people identify themselves as a part of one group or another. My brother said that what happens to people as they self-identify with one position, group or cause, is that they begin to see the opposing side as "the other." It doesn't matter what "the other" is, or if the person is actually ever even truly threatened by "the other." When fueled by arrogance, fear of the "other" can begin to grow into injustice, which births hatred, which fosters violence.
I cannot dispute how true this is. I see it everywhere. "The other" can be any group or position that is not my group or position. Democrat vs. Republican. Pro-life vs. Pro-choice. Gay rights vs. family values. Social justice vs. entitlement. Dark skin vs. light skin. Black lives vs. police lives. Public vs. private. My culture vs. your culture. Evangelical vs. traditional. Protestant vs. Catholic. Gun rights vs. gun control. Duke vs. Carolina.
People have different views, different backgrounds, different values- that's what makes humanity interesting, challenging- beautiful. But our fears and insecurities and desire for a steadfast identity (the very struggle that is challenging me to write these blogs!) can drive us toward this "other" mindset. At first, it feels comforting to identify "the other." Feels good to blame them for what is wrong- whether that's in the world or our country or our family. Because if it's caused by "the other", then it's not caused by me. "The other" strokes my ego, makes me look and feel good.
Yesterday morning, I wanted to have some quiet time to continue to read in John. I got seven verses into John 4, and then Grey was up and Chuy was up and the day was rocking and rolling. In the afternoon, things settled back down, and I sat still for a while, and it was then that I realized that only getting through seven verses wasn't a loss. There was something in the seven verses that I needed to hear Him say before I move on.
John 4: 1-7 is where Jesus meets the Samaritan woman at Jacob's well. And it's here, at Jacob's well, that I see a hot and tired and incredibly beautiful Jesus. About noon, a woman arrives at the well to get some water. She's alone, and Jesus asks her for a drink of water.
It's a pretty simple interaction, but the meaning is anything but simple. What Jesus is doing here is shattering "the other." First, this was a woman. In Jewish culture, women are significantly "other" from men. Second, she was a Samaritan, and the text even says, "Jews did not associate with Samaritans."And third, she was a social pariah. She was alone at this well at noon, and I've been taught that women would likely have gone to the well together in the mornings and evenings. Most likely, she was alone because her background as an adulterous woman made her the object of judgment and ridicule.
When people build up an "other" mindset, we might start from a decent enough place. We value "X" and they value "Y." We have good reasons for "X" being valuable to us. That, in itself, isn't so bad. But what inevitably happens is that "X" becomes better than "Y" and the people who value "Y" become less valuable to us. Therefore, I (and those like me) am better and more valuable than you (and those like you). Sometimes we start out by pitying "the other," which doesn't sound so bad, but pity is fed by pride, not love. We shake our heads and pray for "the other" and hope that God fixes them into something we can approve of as soon as He possibly can get around to it. But, often, pity grows into disdain, resentment, even hatred. Our pity prayers get drowned out by statements like, "I cannot stand those people." We unfriend everyone who values "Y" from our Facebook or we troll the internet and write nasty comments we'd probably never speak out loud and face to face. But "the other" gets bigger and nastier than even that. "The other" can become so oppressive that we begin to cause one another emotional and physical harm. Wars are started over "the other." Families fall apart because of "the other." People kill one another or themselves because of "the other."
But, what I am seeing in John 4, is that Jesus has no "other." He is a ridiculously non-judgmental man who extends an offer of life to anyone. Literally- anyone.
As a Christian, I believe that God has the authority to judge. One Day, He will judge. The Bible is clear about that. But, the crazy thing is- that Day is not today. And it wasn't that Day at Jacob's well. For the Samaritan woman, and for me, it is the Day of Grace. A humble, yet perfect man looked at a woman with a need and asked her for something. But, in doing so, He was actually offering something to her. He was offering her living water. He was offering her acceptance, life, love, a way out of the pain from her past. He chose to extend love to her, to extend Himself to her, instead of pitying her, ignoring her or making sure she (and everyone else, for that matter) knew how wrong she was.
In my journey, I have been made to feel like "the other." I wasn't the same. I thought differently, voted differently, was from a different place. I valued Y when everyone wanted me to value X. It feels bad when you are"the other."
What I'm learning is that Jesus is not going to look at me and see "the other." That, for Him, there really are only two kinds of people - those who believe and call on His name, and those who don't. Sometimes we create"the other" with stuff we invent just to make us feel superior to one another- things that have no value to God. And the things that are real, that God really does care about and wants us to care about too, are only going to reflect His image and accomplish His will if we drop the judgment and the arrogance and the hatred and pick up the cup of living water and start to drink deeply from it.
I'm sorry for the ways that I have treated people like "the other." I need help. I think the cup of living water is the cure for my own insecurities and fears. Jesus's offer to the Samaritan woman gives me hope. I don't have to see myself as "the other" anymore because Jesus doesn't see me that way. I don't have to hate myself or regret that I wasn't somebody else. I know this- that woman at the well probably felt a deep ache, a chronic sadness, because she was "the other" in so many ways. But her encounter with Jesus changed her life. She exchanged her old feelings for new joy, and she became bold and told everyone about Jesus. Her choice to believe that she had value to Jesus made it possible for others to believe. Let it be the same for me.
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