There is no shame in asking

In yesterday's post, I mentioned that I'm learning to be less ashamed of my questions.

Will you love me? Will you value me? Will you listen to me? Will you believe me? Will you try to understand?

There are a couple of reasons why I felt shame for asking these questions in the first place. For one, when you ask these questions of people who are either unable or unwilling to affirmatively answer- they have a tendency to make you feel like you're crazy for asking. You're too sensitive, too unforgiving, too needy. You just need to learn to accept things the way they are.

Another reason can come from within. Asking these questions of other people seems "less spiritual" than asking them of God alone. Aren't truly faithful followers supposed to be looking for all of our answers to come from a still, small voice or pages with the words of Christ printed in red ink? So we can shame ourselves into thinking that we should glide through life without ever looking to other humans for answers. But the problem with that is it keeps us from experiencing God's love through human relationships (something that Jesus was really into) It might save us some of the deep disappointment we feel when relationships with people fail, but it also doesn't afford us the opportunity to become more deeply humble through our vulnerability.

God is showing me that it's okay to be real. He, nor anyone else, is impressed by my "super religious" thoughts or talk. He knows when I really desire Him and when I'm just blowing smoke in my own mind or in other people's faces. It is okay to desire Him and healthy, fulfilling relationships with other people.

But what He is also showing me is that humans are finite. And that I absolutely will come to places where my questions, though not shameful, will need to be redirected.

I am blessed because I am surrounded by people- my husband, my family, my friends- who answer these questions affirmatively, in word and deed, every single day. You'd think that would always be enough. But I am a bottomless pit, guzzling love down and thirsty for more each day.

There's only One who can accommodate a thirst like that. In Isaiah 55: 1, He says, "Come, all you who are thirsty, come to the waters." So that's what I'm here to do. I'm here to drink down the yes that I am so thirsty for- the understanding, the love, the value that I crave.

There is no shame in asking for other people to love and understand you. But, even the best of people- the safe ones- even their love cannot completely satisfy. Verse 3 goes on to say, "Give ear and come to me; listen, that you may live."

Tune my ear, Oh Lord. I'm listening. I want to live. And I am thirsty.