Snapshot #2- I am Known

As John 1 continues, Jesus starts to gather some disciples. I like the part about Jesus calling Nathanael. Jesus called Philip, and then Philip told Nathanael that he had found the Promised One, but...that the Promised One just happened to be from Nazareth.

Nathanael's response is so utterly human- "Nazareth! Can anything good come from there!?"

Philip says, "Come and see." So when Nathanael does come and see Jesus, Jesus looks at him and says, "Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit."

Nathanael replies, "How do you know me?" And Jesus says, "I saw you while you were still under the fig tree when Philip called you."

I like how, in this dialogue, Jesus lets Nathanael know that He knows him in two ways- his circumstances in his life (sitting under the fig tree) and who he is on the inside (in whom there is no deceit).

As a person who craves understanding, I find deep comfort in the truth that Jesus knows my circumstances. When we brush up against one another in life, I think we place expectations on one another without full understanding of what's really going on. There's usually back story that explains, to some degree, why we do what we do. Sometimes our execution on some matter is disappointing to ourselves or others. But sometimes we don't have the freedom to share the context with one another. We withhold for various reasons, some of them necessary. But with Jesus, He already knows. I can tell him about my circumstances if I need to. He will listen. But He already fully understands exactly what I am going through.

I find even deeper comfort that Jesus knows who I am on the inside. It's nice that Jesus is able to say to Nathanael that there's no deceit in him. What a compliment. I know that there was a time in my life when Jesus would not have been able to say that statement to me. But, because He knows me, and He loves me, and He is for my good, we did something about that. I know there are other places in Scripture where Jesus calls people out for their thoughts. That seems pretty intimidating. But, for where I'm at right now, that's actually something I crave too. I want to know if there is wickedness in me. I want to know if I'm wrong, or just being crazy. If Jesus knows about something, and I don't, I want Him to show me. I want us to fix it.

In the journey that has taken me to this place of sitting, reflecting, and listening to my Father, one of my deepest needs is to be known. Feeling unknown is excruciatingly painful. I confess that sometimes I feel like God must be more interested in bigger things and more important people than He is in knowing me. But this interaction with Nathanael, and the knowledge that God is love give me hope. As I approach Jesus, broken-hearted and weary, my hope is that I am known by Him, and that, in knowing me, He is demonstrating His love for me. Love seeks to know.

As I struggle to put together the puzzle pieces of my life, I take comfort in knowing that God already knows the big picture- past, present and future. When a new vision of what my life really looks like or who I really am takes me by surprise, I can take comfort because Jesus has already seen it. When someone mistreats me, whether it is overt or subtle, He knows. When I struggle to respond and feel at a loss for what to do next, He knows. When evil seems overwhelming and sadness fills my heart, He knows. When I am just a person, faltering, unholy, imperfect and messy, He knows. And when I reflect His glory through kindness, gentleness and patience, He knows.

Will His knowledge be enough for me?

Lord, Jesus, I pray that it will. Let your knowledge of who I am  supersede my desire to be known by anybody else. Let me rest deeply in the truth that I am known by You.